You Learn Something New Every Day

Last night. Strike that.

First, forgive me for my lapse in publication. I have spent the better part of the past two weeks dealing with a case of recidivist syphilis. The physician tells me that even though the halfbreed of a doctor in Calcutta told me that I just had, "Dam Charabati" which loosely translates to love sores, I did in fact have something more serious, ie syphilis. And now that I'm older, with a weakened immune system, the whore's malady has come back to bite me, again.

It burns when I urinate and it hurts my mind when I'm not urinating just thinking about the next time I will have to urinate. I will grin and bear it through this entry though because there is something of superb importance that I need to tell you.

From the first day that I moved into my retirement community condominium I have been suspicious of a young lady (there are, by the way, not supposed to be young anythings living here, this is a retirement community for Godsakes) who lives in the first unit near the south entrance gate. She is a strange bird. She comes and goes at odd hours and does not have gainful employment, as best I can tell. I would expect that with her lack of employment she should look indigent and smell foul. But she does not. In fact, she is quite well put together---a real coquette, by my estimation.

Needless to say I was developing a middling obsession with her. I could not manage to stop thinking about her. If only I were twenty years younger, I thought to myself, I'd break into her condominium, wait for her on her bed wearing nothing but a Burmese loin cloth, and rob her of her essence while she appreciated and fell in love with my being. This of course was all in my head; I can barely lance the syphilis pustules on my groin let alone o'perch retirement community condominium walls with love's light wings.

In any event, this has all come to pass. I found out from Retired Deck Officer James Berphus that she's a Lot Lizard, that's truck stop whore for those of you who don't know. I love you.